Love and Loneliness
by Dancer-Nixy
Summary: Edward has been gone for a few years leaving Roy completely alone. Edward returns but leaves just as quickly but returns again even faster emotionally scarring the beloved Roy. Roy is to be Furher or have his decision in 3 weeks. Can Edward save his love in time for him to fulfill his life long dream? Rated M for future content. BoyxBoy. Don't like? Don't read.
1. Chapter 1 - Meeting of Despair

**Roy POV**

Since the invasion was defeated Edward and Alphonse have gone through the gate to that other world. Winry not only mourns the loss of her childhood friends but the loss of Alphonse Elric, her fiancé, as well. I mourn the continued loneliness that I suffered in the time Edward first disappeared. Only this time, there is no way that they can come back for I have closed the gate on this side and he will close the gate on that side.

"If there is a God up there, I know I don't deserve your kindness or your mercy, but those boys have suffered enough. They deserve to be here with their loved ones and friends. I will gladly give you my life to do with whatever you please because a life with out him in it is not a life worth living. I beg of you, whoever is out there, please just bring them back!" I fell to my knees feeling tears coming down not only from my good eye but my bad eye as well. Winry was there and so was Hawkeye. I must have looked so pitiful, I wasn't the only one who lost someone dear to me and here I am pleading with whatever power I can just because I can't stand to live without that kid in my life. Then an all too familiar automail hand touched my cheek.

"So that eye still works, I'm glad. Hey, Colonel I'm back." When I looked up physically there he was. He left all but fifteen minutes ago. Winry was tackling Alphonse while Hawkeye turned around and headed back to Central to help with the damages. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing before me but at the same time I wanted to believe it with all of my heart.

"Did I pass out? Or die even? My mind must be playing tricks on me. You left, I saw you leave fifteen minutes ago, the gate, I closed it ten minutes ago. It's impossible for you to be here now, for real." I could hear my own pathetic sobbing voice as I stared into that boy's golden eyes. Edward teared up in front of me and hugged me as his sobs were just as loud as mine.

"I'm here!" Edward sobbed, "I'm really here and I'm here to stay! If you just hold me you would know Colonel Bastard! Just hold me!" His voice was loud and begging me to believe him. I held him as close to me as I could. I had been alone, waiting for him to come back so I could hold him. I didn't know how they managed to get back so quickly but I didn't care either. I had him back in my arms, I am not alone anymore.

**Edward POV**

Roy couldn't believe I was back even though I was right in front of him. I know I was gone for a few years and when I first came back we fought side by side for only a few moments and I had left again but as we closed the gate what all didn't belong in that world was brought back here and rightfully so. He's the love of my life and he was never shaken or brought to a pathetic state like this. What has time, no… what have I done to you Roy.

"Roy, everyone is cleaning up the damage. We should help, we need to help." Roy only responded to me back hugging me even tighter. He was trembling and sobbing uncontrollably. I left him alone all of this time and caused him so much pain and I wasn't even here.

"Fullmetal! You and the Colonel go to your old apartment. I never sold it and the furniture is still there. Take him there, you have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of healing. We will handle everything else. Tend to his wounds Fullmetal and I'll report to my superior what happened." Riza said as she ran back.

"R-Roy, let's go home. We need to treat your wounds before they get pretty serious. Please, you can lean on me and I'll help you. I'll never go anywhere far away from you again." No words were spoken, he just reluctantly let go as I helped him up and helped him to our apartment. I called the doctor who met us there to help me patch him up since I was always horrible with that, I will do anything to keep Roy from dying on me. The doctor bandaged Roy up but he also did a quick check up on him.

"Mr. Elric, Colonel Mustang left Central and went to Fort Briggs the day you disappeared. Anyone who went to visit him described his mental condition as being in complete despair. You came back and left just as quickly as you came and then returned again to stay. I over heard some government officials talking and they want to nominate the Colonel here to be Furher. I'll tell them that he needs three weeks of rest and no disturbances from anyone but you and myself. Help him with his mental health by then. He is unresponsive to avoid anyone just coming and going from his life. I'll leave it to you." The doctor said as he walked out the door. I closed and locked it behind him and turned to face Roy who just kept staring at me. I couldn't hold back my tears of sorrow as I ran towards him and hugged his waist. He was sitting on our bed and my body was in between his legs with my face buried in his lap as I sobbed.

"Roy! Roy I'm sorry! I'll never leave again! You being like this is all my fault! Please! Not a day went by where I didn't sob because you weren't there! I longed for your scent! I wanted your touch! I missed your teasing! I yearned to be near you! I almost forgot how your voice sounded because it felt like centuries went by! Please! Snap out of it! I want my Roy! I need my Roy! I love you so much that I want to help you but I don't know what I can do since I caused this! Come back Roy! Come back!" I squeezed him tighter as it was now my turn to tremble. He never moved except to take me back into his possessive hold pulling me onto the bed to lay down and sleep. Can I really save him? Can I really do it? Will he come back to me?

**Roy POV**

I saw Edward crying on my lap, I heard him pleading with me to snap out of it, and I felt him clinging to me and burying himself in my lap. My Edward is blaming himself because I am a coward and must hide in this shell of a mind. I want to come out and hold you. I want to come out from hiding myself inside my mind and tell you I believe you.

"Damn this body, hold him! My precious Edward needs to be held! Bring him on the bed and hold him! I'm crying and screaming inside my head right now begging you, my body, to do it or I'll probably lose him forever!" I screamed in my mind. My body finally picked him up and layed both of us down on the bed as I clung to my precious Edward showing that my body is at least responsive enough for that. I can feel him shaking from the sadness. As Edward's body disappeared from sight I knew I was asleep but I felt a single tear from my good eye roll down my cheek and then I was fully taken in by unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2 - First Contact

**Ed POV**

The only reason I knew that it was morning was because of the sunlight that shown through the curtains. When I opened my eyes the face of Roy took hold of all my sight. He had his eye patch on and as I squeezed him to take in his scent he groaned in pain as I felt something wet. Then I heard the commotion outside realizing that everything that happened with the gate wasn't just a nightmare and that I really hurt Roy. Despite the pain he was feeling and his desperate need to change his bandages he squeezed me back. This was a bit of a relief that as a reassurance for me that he doesn't hate me. Reluctantly I began to try squirming out of his grip only making him wake up. His was face full of fear and he pulled me closer again and buried his face in the space in between my neck and shoulder. I felt his tears since he was sobbing so much that it soaked through my clothes. I wanted to cry but right now I need to be Roy's rock. So I patted his back and talked trying to not let my sadness slip through it.

"Roy, you're bleeding through your bandages. Please, let me change them." Without my consent tears began to flow as an image of Roy bleeding out came to my mind. "Seriously Roy," panic now evident in my voice, "please let me change your bandages! If I don't you'll bleed out!" Roy flipped me on my back and he was now hovering over me. I hid my face with my arm and automail arm. I was able to hide my eyes but the tears were bleeding through. I could feel Roy's eyes moving up and down my body. I think he was observing the movements as I sobbed.

"Blood… On your… shirt…" Roy mumbled. I removed my arms as he stared at my shirt where the blood stain from his blood was. His eye was full of anger and fear. "Who… Who… did this?... Who… Hurt… you?" Roy's words were struggling to come out of his mouth as if there was a mental battle going on. I put my hands on his cheeks and lifted his face up to face me, who was spilling tears like a waterfall. When Roy saw my face it was like something in him snapped.

"Nobody hurt me. It's your blood. Your hurt b-because of m-me… I'm… I'm.." Before I could finish my sentence Roy came down and kissed me passionately and then breaking away staring at my face where he smiled.

"Ed… blushing… cute…" Tears still spilling out I looked away but looked at his wound where the amount of blood was growing.

"Roy, your wound's getting worse! Please! Let me bandage it."

**Roy POV**

I definitely have more control over my body. It's as if I am not as far back in my mind as I thought I was. I'm more aware of what I am doing and am able to see more clearly now than I was before. Ed's face is full of panic because of this injury and not to mention he blames himself for my mental state. There is so much that this boy can't handle yet he's trying his best to be strong for me. This kid is way too easy to read and he only worries about my own well being.

"Roy? Why are you crying? Does something hurt?" Edward wasn't the only one crying, I was too. My side hurts physically but the only thing sending me into this emotional spiral is how many tears I am causing him to shed for me and not to mention that I am the one who wished for him back and when that wish was granted I can't even spend the proper time with him that I want and need to. I am causing only more pain for both of us like this. I finally move off of him then sit at the edge of the bed. It takes him a few moments to realize what's going on and then he goes to the medicine and bandages, then brings them over to me. Ed slowly unwraps the bandages after removing the jacket from my shoulders. After unwrapping the wound he pours the medicine onto a piece of cloth and presses it to the wound causing me to flinch and groan from the stinging. Ed bites his lower lip forcing back tears and then removes the cloth. He then starts applying the clean bandage unable to stop himself from shaking. He was shaking so bad that you could hear his automail shaking as well. Ed finished and stared at the wound for a while when he finally leaned in and kissed it slowly and tenderly.

"Okay… it's… okay…" I forced out. Ed looked up to me and then positioned himself to where he was sitting on my lap but facing me. His smile was sad but there and his eyes were tear filled but not yet spilling over. There was a mixture of pain and happiness in his eyes making me want to pounce to let him know that I was fine but all I did was wrap my arms around his waist. I noticed that he had lost a whole lot of weight. Ed shuttered in my arms making me able to snicker a little which caused his mixed face to turn into a face of hope. That's when it occurred to me that all Ed is hoping for that I get better. When this thought came to me Ed leaned in and kissed my forehead, then my cheek, and finally passionately on my lips letting his tears flow from his eyes once more.

**Ed POV**

As I was kissing Roy passionately I felt something grow underneath me. Roy had become hard and he wasn't the only one who had. Unconciously, I began to rock my hips back and forth earning a moan from him. I realized that Roy's mental health and physical health meant that doing this was not a good idea. I broke the kiss with both of us breathing heavily and still grinding.

"R-Roy, we h-have to stop. Y-You… have to… Ah!" Roy had grabbed my butt and began to squeeze and play with it like he used to. "N-No, Roy! W-Wait… The d-doctor… will…" Roy then went to my neck and began kissing it. When he was done with that spot he went to the other side of my neck doing the same thing and both times getting loud moans from my mouth. Our hips began moving faster and my fingers were intertwined with Roy's hair pulling him closer to my neck.

"Ed… love… you…" Roy breathed out into my neck causing goose bumps to appear all over my body as tears began to flow from my eyes again as I looked down at his face as he looked up at mine. His face had more color with his slightly pink cheeks and there was some more life within Roy's eyes causing my hope to grow.

"I love you too Roy." One of Roy's hands then went to my hair, pulling out my ponytail, letting my hair fall to my shoulders, and then pulling my face inches from his where he then smirked as my panting quickened since he knew I was close.

"Good." He then pecks my lips knowing I would want more than just a peck on the lips but he clearly wanted to hear my voice. Unable to argue with him on that I was moaning louder than ever, it had been years since I felt the touch of another human being. Not only that, this human being is Roy, damaged or not it is my Roy that I am moaning and yearning for more and more.

"R-Roy! I'm… I'm gunna… Aaaahhh!" I then began to pant from letting it out and collapsed on Roy with my head resting on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me with him also panting from exhaustion. Roy rested his head on my head as I tried to catch my breath but it kept failing. Roy then did something that would always calm me down after a rough mission, Roy began drawing circles on my back. As I was beginning to calm down I then heard the door knob turn and the door opens. I locked that damn door so no one can open it unless they beat it down or use alchemy. I was unable to move since Roy had a tight hold on me, so I decided to turn my head facing the door as the doctor walked in laughing to himself after looking at both me and Roy as embarrassment and horror filled my mind and showed on my face.


	3. Chapter 3 - Our Sins and No Forgiveness?

**Ed's POV**

"D-D-Doctor! This isn't w-w-what it… Well it is b-but it's not… I m-mean…" I tried to explain blushing like an idiot. I don't remember the doctor's name but I knew Roy went to him a lot in his time at Fort Briggs. At least, that's what Roy said during our battle time together. I began thinking about his smile then, he looked so happy that I was back and I blushed. I then shook my head and looked back up at the doctor forgetting my position and say,

"Doc! He has improved some! He talked. I mean they weren't full sentences and were a little hard to understand but he's getting better and was moving around more. I just changed his bandages and I believe his wound reopened because we were moving around too much. And…" The doctor chuckled and put up his hand causing me to stop my fast and rambling report that was kind of all over the place to me. The doctor was an old man who had an automail leg and a cane. But by no means was he fragile looking.

"Son, why don't you go get yourself cleaned up. I'll re-stitch his wound and do another psychological exam. But psychological exams are best done alone. I'll be gone before you are done getting showering and changing your clothes. That blonde cutie and that little brother of yours ran into me at the market saying that they wanted to stop by and give you some groceries. I told them that that was quite alright. But now that I think about it…" Doc looked me up in down in thought and then smiled brightly at me and said, "I may still be here since you're so short there isn't much to wash."

I snapped at being called short as Roy loosened his grip just before I jumped out of his arms and shouted, "Who are you calling so small that he's like a five year old boy who even if he climbs on the counter he still can't reach the bottom shelf!" The doc laughed and said he was only kidding as I was still fuming but I heard Roy chuckle as he always did when he or anyone else called me short. I looked at him with hopeful and happy eyes and a smile as I nodded my head and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

I then began heading to the drawer to see if my old clothes were still in there and they were. I looked at Roy who was watching me worried that I was going to disappear again and I just smiled and reassured him. "Don't worry Colonel. I am only going to take a shower. Don't miss me too much 'kay?" I then chuckled and he smiled and I went into the bathroom as the doctor walked towards Roy.

**Roy's POV**

I watched Edward go into the bathroom and stared in that general direction not even noticing that Doctor Evans, the old man doctor in the room, was sitting in front of me undressing my wounds. In fact, I didn't even notice him until he started to re-stitch my wound. I then quickly looked at him upset that he took off Edward's bandages that he himself put on me. Evans chuckled and said,

"Don't worry Mustang, I let him re-bandage you up. So, you can talk now. But remember those dreams you started having the day that Edward Elric disappeared? After years of having them each night and then having him show up, disappearing again by choice, and showing up again randomly, it gave you an emotional overload and your brain shut itself down. You now have to battle with yourself in order to get better like you have been. I know you well enough to know Mustang that you are blaming yourself for the over worrying Edward is doing over you and the emotional toll that this is taking on him but if you really want to help him and be one with him again you have to focus on yourself and the positives. Also, you have to understand this, he isn't going anywhere and you also need to know that you have to stop blaming yourself for his disappearing in the first place. That wasn't your fault."

I glared at Evans as I heard Edward finally turn on the shower. He was humming that lullaby of his that he taught me to hum to him for whenever he has his night terrors. I kept screaming in my head for my body to punch the bed for I didn't believe or like what Evans was saying to me but I knew that he was right. "Y-You… S-S-S-Suck…" I forced out. Evans just left and ruffled my hair like he did when I was growing up. He then left pain medicine for me and then wrote down the instructions of the medicine and for helping me wash with my stitches and then headed to the door.

Doctor Evans looked back at me with what seemed to be a sad smile on his face. I looked back at him mentally confused asking him rudely in my head, like I normally would, with a what do you want now. He sighed and shook his head still smiling as if he knew what I had asked and chuckled again. "Here's a hint, in order to cure yourself you have to find what truly is the reason you shut down in the first place." He then left and I finally realized that I had no idea how he unlocked the door from the outside without a key.

**Ed's POV**

I was humming in the shower and I stalled going in the shower to try and listen to what that weirdo of a doc was saying to the Colonel but gave up after a few moments. I kept humming and smiling brightly because we just had a moment like the old days before I disappeared. Someone called me short, I freaked out like I always do, he softly chuckled, he looked at me before I left the room, I made some snarky comment, and he smiled and chuckled slightly ignoring it. It took away some of my worries that I had that things would never be able to go back to normal. But, I then thought about the events that lead Mustang to his state of mind now and I stopped humming.

"It's my fault… Al… He used the philosopher's stone to bring me back to life with my human arm and leg. But it was my fault for getting careless and letting Envy kill me and even though there was a little of the philosopher's stone left and I used it to bring back Alphonse, the gate still took back my arm and leg and transported me to that other universe. It doesn't help that before I disappeared I told Roy that after we got our bodies back I wouldn't be the state's dog anymore and I probably would never see him again but the bastard just agreed with me…" I muttered as I then punched the wall of the shower with my human fist just hard enough to hurt a little but not make a loud noise.

The thoughts kept coming with things like why didn't he try to stop me, did he not want me anymore at that time, if that's the case then what about now, and so on. I started to tear up and to avoid crying I decided it was because of how much I had sinned by law and by religious standards. I began to rub hard on my chest as if I were cleaning my sins away. I kept scrubbing harder and harder until I saw blood start to slowly drip from my chest. The scrapes were little and my goal wasn't to bleed out. I would never ever leave Roy again. It was just to punish me for my wrong doings.

When the bleeding stopped and the stinging of the water I washed the small scrapes lightly, since my flesh was raw and in pain, and finished washing my hair and everything else. I then cleaned the shower and dried off. I put on my boxers and put my hair back into the straight ponytail I've gotten used to after all this years. I then bandaged up my chest and dressed myself. Determined to not let Mustang find out what I had just done. I walked out like nothing was wrong grinning. The grin wasn't fake. I was genuinely happy.

"Looks like that crazy old geezer left huh? He didn't even re-bandage your wounds." I walk over and start to put new bandages on him again humming my mother's lullaby knowing that that will calm him down some. I shook away all of the past thoughts that I had in the shower and smiled. "When you can talk again I want to hear about how you've been. It feels like a lifetime has passed and I hate that I missed everything. And when you can I will also tell you of all of my…" I was interrupted because I had, one, finished bandaging him up and two, he had kissed me passionately and roughly and before I knew it my shirt was off, the kiss ended, and I was face to face with a very angry Roy Mustang as he, without looking away from my face, ripped off the bandage on my chest.


End file.
